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So if you’ve procrastinated at the last minute and forgot to give your lover, crush, or sexual plaything a Valentine’s Day card, you’re in luck. Here’s the 2009 Valentine’s Day Cards from Sausage-Fest.com. And if you want to send these via email, just right click each .JPG picture and paste it into the body of your email.
“Please Confirm Our Relationship On Facebook”: A remake of the popular 2005 Valentine’s Day Card. There’s no better way to be open with your love life than through Facebook. After all, if you don’t confirm your relationship there, how do we know you really have a girlfriend or boyfriend?
Download “Facebook Confirmation” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 3.9MB.
“Hipster Music/My Bloody Valentine”: This is a card that you send to your typical music-loving, internet-using, hipster alt-bag: from the blazer, to the keffiyeh, to the 80’s-style sunglasses, I’m sure you know a person who thinks he or she is indier and more fashionable than the next person.
This is also for fans of shoegaze music, which — by my account — is every hipster.
Download “Hipster Music” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 7.2MB.
“My Tumblr Crush”: Have a Tumblr Crush? Are you slightly narcissistic? Well, this card is for you. Print this out, send it to yourself, and feel content in the fact that someone sent you a Valentine this year.
Download “My Tumblr Crush” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.1MB.
“You Get My Heart High”: If you like drugs, or if you like someone who does drugs, this Valentine’s Day card is for you. Valentine’s Day is a time where you overlook someone’s unhealthy habits (or lack thereof) and express your affection with puns.
Besides, whacked-out mushrooms with hearts on them are always good for a laugh.
Download “You Get My Heart High” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 8.6MB
“Demon in Bed”: Why are devils so heavily depicted on Valentine’s Day anyway?
Download “Demon In Bed” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.3MB
“Fuck!”: A remake of the old, newsprint version from 2004.
Download “Fuck!” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.2MB
Of course, you can see the other Valentine’s Day Cards from years past:
- Valentine’s Day Cards: 2004!
- Valentine’s Day Cards: 2005!
- More Valentine’s Day Cards: 2005!
- Happy Valentine’s Day 2006!
- Valentine’s Day Cards 2007!
- Valentine’s Day Cards 2008!
As promised, here are this year’s Holiday cards for you to download, print, and spread like some kind of incurable disease. Each is originally 8.5″x11″ in total size, and should be folded into a 4.25″x5.5″ card — I mean, you remember PrintShop Pro for your old, old, old PC, right?
Holiday Cards for the Cheapest of Bastards: “Trippy”
Honestly, who needs the Holidays? And who reads cards unless there’s money inside them? Well, these ones are way cooler, trust me. The first of three cards based off P.Retuta’s comic, Sausage-Fest, this one is your standard card: with a Christmas tree/houndstooth-like front that will be sure to give you headaches, the inside sends a clear message to the ones you love.
DOWNLOAD CMYK VERSION (.pdf, 11MB)
DOWNLOAD RGB VERSION (.pdf, 6.1MB)
Holiday Cards for the Cheapest of Bastards: “We Three Kings”
This particular card is perfect for those who love the internet too much or those who love puns too much. In either case, once you give them this card you can say, “Look what I got you from the web! It’s ‘holly-rious’!”
DOWNLOAD CMYK VERSION (.pdf, 6.4MB)
DOWNLOAD RGB VERSION (.pdf, 3.1MB)
Holiday Cards for the Cheapest of Bastards: “I’m Way Too Indie…”
Do you know a hipster? Are you related to an indie snob? Is your barista a total scenester who looks like they were pulled from an American Apparel ad on PitchforkMedia.com? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this card is the perfect present for your little elitist!
DOWNLOAD CMYK VERSION (.pdf, 7.6MB)
DOWNLOAD RGB VERSION (.pdf, 4.2MB)
Happy Holidays, folks!
Here’s a brief history of Verona Red. The guy chained in Hell is supposed to be Pat Doran of the comic, “The Way Life Should Be,” and I haven’t decided yet whether the other demons will be featured in future comics. Lastly, the title is a reference to The Smiths’ song, “This Charming Man.”
Stay tuned soon: 2008 Holiday Cards. Expect them this Friday.
