So if you’ve procrastinated at the last minute and forgot to give your lover, crush, or sexual plaything a Valentine’s Day card, you’re in luck. Here’s the 2009 Valentine’s Day Cards from Sausage-Fest.com. And if you want to send these via email, just right click each .JPG picture and paste it into the body of your email.

“Please Confirm Our Relationship On Facebook”: A remake of the popular 2005 Valentine’s Day Card. There’s no better way to be open with your love life than through Facebook. After all, if you don’t confirm your relationship there, how do we know you really have a girlfriend or boyfriend?

Download “Facebook Confirmation” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 3.9MB.

“Hipster Music/My Bloody Valentine”: This is a card that you send to your typical music-loving, internet-using, hipster alt-bag: from the blazer, to the keffiyeh, to the 80’s-style sunglasses, I’m sure you know a person who thinks he or she is indier and more fashionable than the next person.

This is also for fans of shoegaze music, which — by my account — is every hipster.

Download “Hipster Music” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 7.2MB.

“My Tumblr Crush”: Have a Tumblr Crush? Are you slightly narcissistic? Well, this card is for you. Print this out, send it to yourself, and feel content in the fact that someone sent you a Valentine this year.

Download “My Tumblr Crush” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.1MB.

“You Get My Heart High”: If you like drugs, or if you like someone who does drugs, this Valentine’s Day card is for you. Valentine’s Day is a time where you overlook someone’s unhealthy habits (or lack thereof) and express your affection with puns.

Besides, whacked-out mushrooms with hearts on them are always good for a laugh.

Download “You Get My Heart High” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 8.6MB

“Demon in Bed”: Why are devils so heavily depicted on Valentine’s Day anyway?

Download “Demon In Bed” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.3MB

“Fuck!”: A remake of the old, newsprint version from 2004.

Download “Fuck!” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.2MB

Of course, you can see the other Valentine’s Day Cards from years past:

1. Valentine’s Day Cards: 2004!
2. Valentine’s Day Cards: 2005!
3. More Valentine’s Day Cards: 2005!
4. Happy Valentine’s Day 2006!
5. Valentine’s Day Cards 2007!
6. Valentine’s Day Cards 2008!