So if you’ve procrastinated at the last minute and forgot to give your lover, crush, or sexual plaything a Valentine’s Day card, you’re in luck. Here’s the 2009 Valentine’s Day Cards from Sausage-Fest.com. And if you want to send these via email, just right click each .JPG picture and paste it into the body of your email.

“Please Confirm Our Relationship On Facebook”: A remake of the popular 2005 Valentine’s Day Card. There’s no better way to be open with your love life than through Facebook. After all, if you don’t confirm your relationship there, how do we know you really have a girlfriend or boyfriend?

Download “Facebook Confirmation” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 3.9MB.

“Hipster Music/My Bloody Valentine”: This is a card that you send to your typical music-loving, internet-using, hipster alt-bag: from the blazer, to the keffiyeh, to the 80’s-style sunglasses, I’m sure you know a person who thinks he or she is indier and more fashionable than the next person.

This is also for fans of shoegaze music, which — by my account — is every hipster.

Download “Hipster Music” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 7.2MB.

“My Tumblr Crush”: Have a Tumblr Crush? Are you slightly narcissistic? Well, this card is for you. Print this out, send it to yourself, and feel content in the fact that someone sent you a Valentine this year.

Download “My Tumblr Crush” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.1MB.

“You Get My Heart High”: If you like drugs, or if you like someone who does drugs, this Valentine’s Day card is for you. Valentine’s Day is a time where you overlook someone’s unhealthy habits (or lack thereof) and express your affection with puns.

Besides, whacked-out mushrooms with hearts on them are always good for a laugh.

Download “You Get My Heart High” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 8.6MB

“Demon in Bed”: Why are devils so heavily depicted on Valentine’s Day anyway?

Download “Demon In Bed” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.3MB

“Fuck!”: A remake of the old, newsprint version from 2004.

Download “Fuck!” Valentine’s Day Card - .PDF Format, CMYK, 5.2MB

Of course, you can see the other Valentine’s Day Cards from years past:

1. Valentine’s Day Cards: 2004!
2. Valentine’s Day Cards: 2005!
3. More Valentine’s Day Cards: 2005!
4. Happy Valentine’s Day 2006!
5. Valentine’s Day Cards 2007!
6. Valentine’s Day Cards 2008!

As promised, here are this year’s Holiday cards for you to download, print, and spread like some kind of incurable disease. Each is originally 8.5″x11″ in total size, and should be folded into a 4.25″x5.5″ card — I mean, you remember PrintShop Pro for your old, old, old PC, right?

Holiday Cards for the Cheapest of Bastards: “Trippy”

Honestly, who needs the Holidays? And who reads cards unless there’s money inside them? Well, these ones are way cooler, trust me. The first of three cards based off P.Retuta’s comic, Sausage-Fest, this one is your standard card: with a Christmas tree/houndstooth-like front that will be sure to give you headaches, the inside sends a clear message to the ones you love.

DOWNLOAD CMYK VERSION (.pdf, 11MB)
DOWNLOAD RGB VERSION (.pdf, 6.1MB)

Holiday Cards for the Cheapest of Bastards: “We Three Kings”

This particular card is perfect for those who love the internet too much or those who love puns too much. In either case, once you give them this card you can say, “Look what I got you from the web! It’s ‘holly-rious’!”

DOWNLOAD CMYK VERSION (.pdf, 6.4MB)
DOWNLOAD RGB VERSION (.pdf, 3.1MB)

Holiday Cards for the Cheapest of Bastards: “I’m Way Too Indie…”

Do you know a hipster? Are you related to an indie snob? Is your barista a total scenester who looks like they were pulled from an American Apparel ad on PitchforkMedia.com? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this card is the perfect present for your little elitist!

DOWNLOAD CMYK VERSION (.pdf, 7.6MB)
DOWNLOAD RGB VERSION (.pdf, 4.2MB)

Happy Holidays, folks!

Here’s a brief history of Verona Red. The guy chained in Hell is supposed to be Pat Doran of the comic, “The Way Life Should Be,” and I haven’t decided yet whether the other demons will be featured in future comics. Lastly, the title is a reference to The Smiths’ song, “This Charming Man.”

Stay tuned soon: 2008 Holiday Cards. Expect them this Friday.

Three new characters in a brand new comic: Failure, Fortune, and Nigel’s occupational replacement to Randy, Verona Red. I figured I should add more angel/demon type characters (especially the latter).

So Verona Red, like the missing Randy, is a devil. She functions the same as Randy in the sense that both are meant to tempt humans and balance the universe between good and evil. Verona Red, however, has some feline-like characteristics to her look (like cat ears and whiskers). In terms of personality, she’s supposed to be sultry and somewhat seductive but, generally, with a good heart. If I can relate her to any celebrity, maybe Angelina Jolie or Madonna (how cliched is that?). And if I can give her a voice, she’d be portrayed by Kathleen Turner or Mary Elizabeth McGlynn (the voice actress of Julia in “Cowboy Bebop” or the lead role in “Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex”) — Verona Red would have a deep, breathy voice, like a porn star or phone sex operator.

Yup, Verona Red, Failure, and Fortune have been in development for a long time. I’ve even made a plushie of Verona Red for Renegade:

Oh, where art thou, Randy?

I’m taking the week off to come up with more material and work on some personal projects. Don’t worry, I have three comics already written, and I do want to take the time and make sure the art meets my standards. In the meantime, do enjoy Jeffro’s Music Blog and his new 8tracks music mix — the guy is exploding all over the internet!

Sorry for this comic’s relative lateness and no forbearance to the “Occupational Hazards” arc — it’s been a busy week. Not only was it Halloween, but I did have my portfolio reviewed for grad school, and a certain someone got elected president and spoke in Chicago. So yes, it was quite hectic these past few days.

I got the idea of the “blue glow” over my character Seliena from those ridiculous “holograms” on CNN. Overall, however, it was hard to think of an Obama-related comic. Next week, we’ll resume our regularly scheduled program.

Happy Halloween, folks!

As you can see, this comic sort of correlates to the general storyline. Plus, it’s a little homage to the times when Lindsey, Jen, and Chris visit Christian haunted houses.

I’m thinking that next week I’ll post some Presidential Election-based comics, but who knows. It’s going to be a busy weekend.

Be good this weekend!

Here’s a blast from the past: Jimmy the Voice of Indifference and Apathy. Another Halloween comic tomorrow, and it pertains more to the “Occupational Hazards” storyline.

If you want to see more Halloween comics of mine, check out this. Ah, those also bring me back!

Hmm, have you ever realized that the only difference between “cosmic” and “comic” is one, little “s?” That will make you think.

So yes, Nigel gets a new partner. Who will it be…? Stay tuned.

In other news, Jeffro has started a new indie music blog: indierawk.tumblr.com. On a design-standpoint, it’s not yet complete, but if you have a Tumblr be sure to follow him. It seems that lately Jeffro’s been promoting some songs and music videos relating to Halloween.

Speaking of Halloween, tune in tomorrow and Friday for some special Halloween comics.

Just to let you know, guys, but this is apparently my 400th comic I’ve published since August 2003.

Anyway, my marketing adviser and close friend, Allan, gave me the suggestion of releasing a new comic every Wednesday. Since it’s about the same day that The Onion releases its new content, Allan says that most people will most likely check out (read: “not work and dick around on the internet”) their favorite websites and consequently associate my comic with The Onion. It’s worth a shot, I say.

In lieu of Halloween, however, expect some at least two comics next week: one pertaining to the story arc and another loosely based on the story arc but has a general Halloween “feel” to it.

If you haven’t noticed the difference from today’s comic and last Friday’s, I decided to color Nigel’s wings blue instead of yellow from now on. This change, in my opinion, is more graphically cohesive and corresponds with the plushies I’ve made over the years:

Storywise, this is the first time Nigel (kinda) interacts with another main character other than Randy. Of course, both Nigel and Randy are “invisible” characters — in the sense that they’re never seen but guide humans in conflicts of morality — but in unearthly realms (like Heaven), they can be seen clear as day. Then again, it seems that Nigel vaguely knows ZCC.

There you go.